It's No Surprise

    Sometimes I feel like I should be in shock that I'm really back in Newcastle. Like it's some miracle that everything has worked out. And although it is a huge work of God that things have gone this smoothly, I don't think I should be blown away by the fact that God is being himself, a provider. God spoke his plan to me. He told me what he saw in my future and invited me to be apart of it and to be as excited about it as he is. So why is it that, as soon as I step away from the canvas God is painting called my life, and start looking at the facts, I begin to have daily mini freak outs? I choose to stress about the little things, freak about the big ones and confess to everyone that God is going to have to preform a BIG miracle in order for me to keep where he has me. Now, I do believe in miracles, I think they are amazing and get the goose bumps when I hear the stories just as much as the next person. So what is it that makes me believe that the anonymous donation or unreal deliverance is in a different category  from the paycheck that slipped into my account on time? I don't think God intended his miracles to be treated like prizes out of a slot machine. If we jump up and down three times and think of happy things you'll get what you want. Maybe you don't do that before you pray but I have totally found myself thinking before I prayer, "have I been in the word this week?, do I deserve this?, did I tithe this month?" On the surface I know that those things don't make God love or provide for me more but it does feel like it could help. I feel like God is viewed as this mystical being up in heaven that we have to please in order to receive a blessing. In the end we look like blind beggars feeling around for the perfect words and behavior to gain our gift. I don't want to think that way anymore.  God is a father so that means he loves to provide for us and he's God so he can give us anything he wants. I don't want to be shocked into a stupor the next time God comes through for me. He has told me his plans for me and I should be an expectant child awaiting the best of the best from him. That's what I want to be, my hands are open.